10 things you can control in a conflict

Dealing with conflict takes energy, and when you’re living with lupus, energy can be in short supply. If you’ve tried your best to resolve a problem, but it still remains, consider using these 10 ways to regain control.

1. Your Plan - Visualizing the future helps you focus beyond temporary problems.
2. Your Perspective - Stop and reassess your point of view and find a learning opportunity in the situation.
3. Your Responses - Look for ways to respond that don’t escalate anxiety.
4. Your Investment - Spend less time thinking about it, talking about it, and engaging in it.
5. Your Role - It takes two to tango, and if you stop dancing, the conflict has no choice but to diminish.
6. Your Expectations - Changing expectations doesn’t mean lowering them. Stop holding others to standards they don’t know they’re being measured against, and get a new yardstick!
7. Your Energy - Direct your energy elsewhere: toward family, classes at the gym, continuing education, or friends.
8. Your Own Story - Give accounts without elevating or victimizing anyone. Say, “It’s a difficult time right now, but I am learning a valuable lesson,” rather than, “Once again, I am the victim.”
9. Your Method for Processing Emotions - Talk with a trusted source, keep a journal, get some exercise, or write letters you’ll never send.
10. Your Character - Show your best side and not an unchecked series of poor reactions.